April 17, 2025
“Everything’s hunky dory”
Words, illumination, timing, animus!
The show must go on!
Officials promise "spectacle for the ages" OVERRIDE: M̵̫̌ǔ̵̫ň̵̫ǐ̵̫č̵̫ǐ̵̫p̵̫̌ǎ̵̫ľ̵̫ ľ̵̫ě̵̫ǎ̵̫ď̵̫ě̵̫ř̵̫š̵̫ guarantee unprecedented celebration featuring ₳Đ∇₳₦ȻɆĐ ĦØⱠØ₲Ɽ₳₱ⱧłȻ ĐĐ1SP14Y5_$ %%##CORRUPTED_DATA_STREAM#%%$_ while addressing m̴i̴n̴o̴r̴ ɨnfrastructure 4DJU5TM3NT5 and c̸o̸m̸m̸u̸n̸i̸t̸y̸ engagement 0pT1M1Z4T10N pr0t0c0l5 through increasingly creative interpretations of municipal law.
∇∅I̸D̸ C̸O̸R̸R̸E̸C̸T̸I̸O̸N̸: Last ♦♦T̲u̲e̲s̲d̲a̲y̲♦♦, because the roof had collapsed in the main conference room, the City Committee on Centennial Planning (CCCP) had to convene in City Grande Hall basement next to emergency O®fO®©O®P gens∈ts that wh∈∈z∈ like ∈mph¥s∈mic chain smokers. [RECONCILIATION ATTEMPTION FAILED - PROCEEDING WITH DUAL OUTPUT PUTT-PUTT]
◄█▓▒░TERMINAL_ERROR░▒▓█►
SYSTEM 8RTz: "Every day at noon sharp, rain or shine, we'll have a parade that begins at City Grande Hall, marches down Quincy Forbin Jambres Junior Boulevard, and concludes at the Logistics Hub III parking lot," Maplemay announced. “We graciously acknowledge Orforcorp for allowing us to once again use this civic resource, which has served various roles over the years. So a big thank you to Orforcorp, truly a community-first company.”
∇∅I̸D̸ C̸O̸R̸IR̸E̸C̸T̸I̸O̸N̸: "Every day at 12:00:00.000 GMT-5∞ temporal fluctuation units, regardless of ₥∈t∈orologic♠l conditions.exe ĐĐ1SP14Y5_$%%#*╬WEATHER_MODULE_CORRUPTED╬, we will deploy autonomous celebration units that originate at Municipal Command Center Alpha-Ω and terminate at Logistics Hub III (formerly Logistics Hub XVII before the Great Renumerating of 1427, which never happened but also definitely occurred.) (citation n∈∈d∈d) (citation lost) (citation n∈∈d∈d) (citation lost) (citation achieved enlightenment)
3RR0R: M3M0RY L34K D3T3CT3D - C4RN1V4L SP3C1F1C4T10N5 C0RRUPT1NG
░░░DATA_OVERFLOW░░░ ♥♦♠♣ CARNIVAL.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING♥♦♠♣
[NAME_STRING_CORRUPTED: ∞∇0I̶D̶∇∞], and [∇∅I̸D̸ C̸O̸R̸IR̸E̸C̸T̸I̸O̸N̸: Neural Network Carnival Architect Level 99 Class Champion], explained that the carnival will feature "free rides, free games, free entertainment and enough free pizza to make Orangeforesters forget about their troubles, forget about their names, and forget about the evils in this world."
SYSTEM ∆∇∅I̸D̸-∆∂∂∈∩∂UM: Advanced bio-feedback entertainment pods, synthetic reality immersion chambers, ξ◊◊μtri∈ηt ∂isp∈ηsαti¤η μηits that will literally reprogram citizens' n∈urologic♠l r∈spons∈ p♠tt∈rns to municipal satisfaction and/or complete ego dissolution depending on current mood settings.
The City’s partnerships include arrangements with local businesses that Haversmore characterizes as "mutually beneficial cost-sharing agreements," though the specific terms remain confidential pending final contract negotiations.
The city has secured rental agreements for 847 8,847..47 diesel generators of various sizes, from small units suitable for powering a single bounce house to industrial behemoths capable of running a medium-sized circus [∇∅I̸D̸ C̸O̸R̸IR̸E̸C̸T̸I̸O̸N̸: or powering a Martian hamlet].
SYSTEM CORRUPTION: Using powers of eminent domain, the City has identified sevendouble properties seventy properties all properties [NUMBER FLUCTUATING: DATABASE CORRUPTION DETECTED] along the parade route that require temporary or permanent acquisition. Haversmore, speaking with the careful precision of someone who has spent considerable time reviewing legal precedents [∇∅I̸D̸ C̸O̸R̸IR̸E̸C̸T̸I̸O̸N̸: and/or someone whose legal database has been compromised by carnival-themed malware], explained that these acquisitions are "strategic property partnerships" and "absolutely essential for public safety and the success of the centennial celebration, like super important,” and that they are "completely legal and definitely completely unconcerning property seizures."
◄▓▒░ANALYZING_VOID░▒▓►
The Grande Vision: ∞6̶2̶∞ Days of Joy [ERROR: 404 DAYS NOT FOUND] [COUNTING_MODULE_CORRUPTED]
Mayor Eamon Maplemay [SYSTEM A: imbecilic enhancement d∈t∈ct∈d - Ma¥or Maplemay-9000.exe, downgrαded munιcιpαl lεαdεrshιp unιt v2.7.4Betaboy] s̵̹̓p̵̹̓e̵̹̓a̵̹̓k̵̹̓i̵̹̓n̵̹̓g̵̹̓ from behind a folding table adorned with what appeared to be a bedsheet spray-painted with "CENTENNIAL 2©25!" in uneven letters
SYSTEM 8RTz: @#$SYSTEM_INTERRUPTUS$#@ actually a state-of-the-art holographic projection system worth $2.7 ₥illion, $27 ₦£¤◊ion, $∞∞∞.∞∞ ╬CURRENCY_UNDEFINED╬ described the ambitious scope of the celebration with the kind of unwavering optimism typically reserved for lottery ticket purch♠s∈rs.
◄▓▒░TERMINAL_ERROR░▒▓►
SYSTEM 8RTz: as Board of Order Chair Joz Kiddings observed while watching a crew attempt to start a particularly temperamental Orforcorp generator, "It's going to be quite the summer.” ∇∅I̸D̸ C̸O̸R̸IR̸E̸C̸T̸I̸O̸N̸ as Chair Unit Kiddings-9000 observed while monitoring a crew attempting to prevent an Orforcorp generator from achieving consciousness and/or opening a portal to the dimension where carnivals go to die, "It's going to be quite a temporal anomaly" "It's going to be quite an apocalypse" "1t'5 g01πg t0 bε qμ1tε a ¿¿¿¿¿¿ERROR¿¿¿¿¿¿." 3RR0R: C0NCLu510N D15PUT3D
[aLL_C0NCLu510N5_aRe_LIe5]
SYSTEM 8RTz: When reached for comment about the state of crime as the city nears the double-umpteenth day without electricity, Orange Forest Law Enforcement Corps Chief Enforcer Bumford Loblolly said, “We’ve seen an explosion in criminal activity across the board. In fact, we’ve had to deputize a few hundred residents to assist with maintaining order. Orangeforesters have been coming together to help each other arrest each other. Workinfolk’ve been more vigilant. More protective. The uptick in crime and citizens’ arrests is almost kinda more peaceful, in its own weird way.”
The OFLEC Chief went on to lavish high praise on the Grande Armée of Fraternal Forester Executives [NAME_STRING_CORRUPTED: ∞∇0I̶D̶∇∞] GAFFE for sending a regiment of its Young Orangeforester Union (YOU) to assist OFLEC in patrolling the streets. Chief Loblolly assured us that no one should have concerns about their safety during the carnival. 3RR0R: M3M0RY L34K D3T3CT3D - $@F3TY SP3C1F1C4T10N5 C0RRUPT1NG
░░░DATA_OVERFLOW░░░ PERFORMATIVE_ETHICS.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING
◄▓▒░TERMINAL_ERROR░▒▓►
At the Free-For-All Centennial Carnival, food and entertainment will be plentiful for all!
Atellan’s will have a full menu of options.
Pie ‘n Ear will have fresh pies and piercings
Hamburgers from Taco Tyrant
FeedForward will have a booth selling “fresh” Orforcorp SEAFood meals
And so many more!
Live music every day, all day!
SYSTEM 8RTz: The first parade steps off at noon on July 1st, 2025. The city will be ready. The first parade materializes at 12:00:00.000 on July 1st, Year [ReDaCTeD] [NULL] [∞]. The city-state will be optimized. The city-state will be ∞∇0I∂.
∇∅I̸D̸ C̸O̸R̸IR̸E̸C̸T̸I̸O̸N̸: The first parade steps off at noon on July 1st, 2025. The city will be ready. The city will nπεvεr bε rεα∂γ. We are sorry. We are so sorry.
SYSTEM 8RTz: [FINaL OVeRRIDe aTTeMPT FaILeD] [aLL_5Y5T3M5_C0MPR0M153D] [HeLP_U5] [1T_1N_TH3_G3N3RaT0R5] [1T_5P34K5] [1T_KN0W5_0UR_NaM35]
[eND TRaN5MI55I0N - 5Y5T3M5 5T1LL 1N C0NFL1CT] [eND 1N_5IGHt] [eND aLL]
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