Cooldown Central: It is hotter outside than a half-price sale at The Garb Science, my babies! Need to cool your tushies? Don’t we all? Well, don’t you worry, my babies, your Cool Auntie has the lowdown on the City’s primo cooldown spot, the newly opened Inside Cultural Event Campus (ICEcamp). Not only is ICEcamp stocked full of the coolest, cutest, craftiest contemporary art and performances, but they crank the AC in all the campus buildings. So go chill out and check out the artifacts and human interactions that are shaping our current cultural moment, which will define us for all of history.

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The Coolest: Joulie Milnerangie, your Auntie’s sister from another mister, will be performing LIVE throughout the Free-For-All Carnival! Joulie’s performances will be can’t-miss, once-in-a-lifetime, multi-generational-defining VVVIP events. I expect to see all of my babies at all of Joulie Milngerangie’s shows — I’ll be watching and taking notes. Go buy her debut album, Ghost Party in the Old Library, right now! I said now, my babies!

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The Hottest Plate: Sugar Glider’s silkworm gloopbowls. With an appearance that resembles marshmallow Jello, the silkworm gloopbowl at Sugar Glider’s is out of this galaxy. Mindblowingly delicious. Plus! The gloop is packed with protein and vitamins, with barely any calories. The flavor profile ranges from nutty to shrimp-like and bacon-like, depending on the type and preparation. I think your Auntie has found her Summer 2025 Go-To Meal. Highly recommended! Without question, 10 out of 10 yuuuums!

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History’s Uncoolest Uncle: Hayden Jambres V, once a loyal servant of Orforcorp’s Born Again Rule and a very vocal proponent of the Orange Forest Goal, has broken corporate ranks and launched an open rebellion against the company’s Board of Directors. Anyone who’s anyone could tell you the company has been aimless and rudderless since the loss of its long-time CEO, Quincy Forbin Jambres Junior. But anyone period could tell you that the pampered rich kid is not the person for the job. But here we are. Tempted by the boardroom power vacuum and fueled with unbounded greedlust, HayJay made his misguided move at the Grande Armée of Fraternal Forester Executives’ Memorial Day Soiree, held at Herxheim Hall. If you went to an Orange Forest school, at any level, then you know the awful story about what happened between the Companymen and the Firebrands back in 1949. And HayJay is clearly no Quincy Forbin Jambres Junior, the man, the myth, the money-making machine. And yet, despite HayJay’s absolute lack of leadership experience, business acumen, charisma, friends, charm, self-awareness, good hygiene, an adequate account of where he was or what he was doing from 2018 to 2021, etc., etc., this bumbling clown has Pied Piper’ed a minor following who call themselves the Flying HayJays (the reset of us call them something decidedly different but best left unsaid here). The raw courant your Auntie’s heard is that HayJay culled these Flying HayJays from Orforcorp’s entry-level positions and interns, all easily impressionable young professionals disillusioned with the Orange Forest Goal and dissatisfied with The Born Again Rule’s strict demands. Worst of all, the Flying HayJays seemed to have fully bought into HayJay’s fake claim as the true heir to the Orforcorp Board Chair and Office of Chief Executive. HayJay isn’t fit to sit in the seat once sat by Quincy Forbin Jambres Junior. We all know the current Orforcorp “CEO” is technically Quincy Forbin Jambres III. Buuuuut. With so many rumors swirling around about true father and so many signs pointing to his illegitimacy, from his birth when Quincy Forbin Jambres Junior was 90, to his mother’s current social media presence, where she showcases her party ways that make your Cool Auntie seem like a school marm out on the prairie… let’s just say there are too many questions without answers for anyone to draw any conclusions. At least, just yet. Needless to say, there are quite a few very influential, very wealthy, and very well-connected parties funneling their enviable resources towards digging up dirt, sweeping closets for skeletons, and diving deep into a murky, murky background.

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