Help Wanted: I’m often so overwhelmed by the flavor options of Pop-Tarts that I forget to scope out other brands. I need someone to help me check out other options for breakfast pastries and the like. I’ll be in Aisle 5 at the FeedForward Market on Pewter on Wednesdays between 2:30 and 3:00 pm. See you then!

For Sale: I haven’t quite decided if I will go through with this yet, but I wanted to test the market waters on the best offer for a top 100 globally ranked account in “Superfun! Dynamic Action Fighter® and Superduperfun Friends vs. the Bad Guys” mobile $OGEEcoin-mining video game. Level 240 Vibe. Ecstasy-Tier Alliance. Every champion collected and fully maxed out in Funchantment, Party Supplies, Gonzo Gear, and Maxxxtremities. I may consider accepting the best offer. DO NOT play games and send me a lowball offer. I KNOW what I have. Submit your bids to stanley.staysik@superfunfanclub.orj and put your offer in the subject line. I will NOT open emails with any offers lower than $500,000. Good luck and have a Superfun! day.

Seeking: Tired of our monoculture being broken into subcultures split into microcults shattered into genrecults? Come join my growing polycule! Anyone interested must first join me and my polycule in getting cultured at ICEcamp. I already know everything you’ll learn at ICEcamp (and more), but it’s important that a man of my status only engages with cultured individuals. Contact me at hayden@orforcorp.orj

Help Wanted: POSITIONS STILL AVAILABLE! Looking for an excuse to make a killing and bury the competition? You’re in luck! We’re soliciting Disposition who thrive in both the mind-numbing fiscal aspects and the cut-throat physical demands required to adequately balance the scales. Responsibilities include participating in experiential B2C campaigns that leverage the full arsenal of market forces to empower efforts, enhance capabilities, and expedite the deployment and strategic execution of non-negotiable counter-offers. Successful applicants will have strength with Excel, excel with strength, and will have absolutely no qualms whatsoever about taking whatever steps necessary to follow orders and finish the job. To reiterate: Ideal candidates will have absolutely no qualms about doing whatever it takes to do their job. Should have experience in private defense contracting, but will also potentially consider those with a military or law enforcement background. Send a resume including any and all relevant ranks, branches, units, awards, honors, security clearances, social media handles, and potential conflicts of interest to candidates@orforcorp.orj

For Sale: Original prints of the Orange Forest Orator Quarterly volume 6, issues 1 & 2 of the newspaper edition. Don’t try to lowball me. I know what I got here. It says right on the front that these things are valuable. Bidding starts at 60 minutes, but I’ve seen ones go online for up to 240 minutes. I’m hosting a public auction at the Slag Avenue Landing Point on July 31st at 8:00 pm. After the auction, we can watch the river burn.