DISCLAIMERS & WARNINGS FROM ORANGE FOREST ORATOR QUARTERLY EDITOR-IN-CHIEF MAXIMILIEN SUBABILLIAN:
DO NOT READ THE PRINTED NEWSPAPER VERSIONS OF VOLUME 6, ISSUES 1 or 2 OF THE ORANGE FOREST ORATOR QUARTERLY!
***DISCLAIMER: THE PRINTED NEWSPAPER VERSIONS OF THE ORANGE FOREST ORATOR QUARTERLY, VOLUME 6, ISSUES 1 & 2, DO NOT REFLECT THE STANCE, OPINION, OR IDEAS OF ORANGE FOREST MEDIA, LTD., PART OF THE CAMELCASE CAPITAL PORTFOLIO OF OFFICE PROPERTIES. THE PRINTED NEWSPAPER VERSIONS OF THE ORANGE FOREST ORATOR QUARTERLY, VOLUME 6, ISSUES 1 & 2, DO NOT CONTAIN THE ACTUAL, FACTUAL, CONTRACTUAL WORK PRODUCT AND CONTENT ORIGINALLY PROOFED AND PRINTED FOR PUBLICATION. WE DEMAND WITH THE UTMOST FORCE THAT YOU
DO NOT READ THE PRINTED NEWSPAPER VERSION OF THE ORANGE FOREST ORATOR QUARTERLY, VOLUME 6, ISSUES 1 & 2!
***WARNING: ANY AND ALL PARTIES FOUND LIABLE FOR TAMPERING WITH, ALTERING, MODIFYING, OR DEFACING THE PRINTED NEWSPAPER VERSIONS OF THE ORANGE FOREST ORATOR QUARTERLY, VOLUME 6, ISSUES 1 OR 2, WILL BE PROSECUTED TO THE FULLEST EXTENT OF THE LAW FOR CRIMES, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO, DESTRUCTION OF PRIVATE PROPERTY, DESTRUCTION OF INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY, DENIAL OF FUTURE PROFITS, LIBEL, FORGERY, DISTRIBUTION OF PRINTFOOLERY WITH INTENT TO BAMBOOZLE, THEFT, DEFAMATION, PLAGIARISM, MUNICIPAL SEDITION, CARTOGRAPHICAL COUNTERFEITING, WIRE FRAUD, MAIL FRAUD, MAIL THEFT, MAIL TAMPERING, IMPERSONATING A MEDIA OUTLET, IDENTITY THEFT, NEWSPAPERBULLYING, DOPPELGANGERY IN THE THIRD DEGREE, ETC., ETC., ETC.***
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4/6/25 UPDATE: Despite meticulous efforts by diligent Orator staff, the premier private investigation firm Privocular, and heroic Orange Forest Law Enforcement Corps (OFLEC) detectives and enforcers, we are well aware of the inexplicable discrepancy between the contents in the newspaper version and the Orange Forest Online version.
As such, we strongly, strongly encourage all readers to review and implement all recommendations listed above and below to ensure the eradication of the despicable trash passing itself off as a pale imitation of the high standards of journalistic professionalism the world has come to know from Orange Forest Orator Quarterly. Let this serve as public notice that the defaced printed newspaper version of the Orange Forest Oratory Quarterly, Volume 6, Issue 2, contains nothing but fraudulent and sensationalized rubbish.
At the moment, all we can say with certainty is that all of the newspaper versions of the Orange Forest Orator Quarterly Volume 6, Issue 2, left the printing facility in pristine condition, every drop of ink in its precise location. Therefore, the only possible explanation would be that some well-organized criminal cell tailed the delivery trucks to swap out the legitimate Orator printed newspaper versions with some juvenile delinquent’s idea of how a supervillain operates.
However, just as we did for the last issue as a public service announcement to provide the public with the proper awareness of what you must, by all means, avoid, below we have once again included high-resolution scan that we made of the image depicting the defaced printed newspaper version of the Orange Forest Oratory Quarterly, Volume 6, Issue 2. This is not for general consumption and only serves as a reference point TO INFORM THE PUBLIC OF WHAT NOT TO READ.
Lastly, on another personal note, I firmly stand by my statement of fact that I have never ever, not even once, engaged in any such buttchugging tomfoolery, and I have especially never “chugged any butts” or desired to do as such or even ever considered any other such offensive actions libelously suggested by the counterfeit Orator.
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1/4/2025 — We here at the Orange Forest Orator Quarterly hold quality control and quality assurance in the highest regard. I can attest to personally reviewing and approving all final drafts, mock-ups, and proofs.
Since Volume 6, Issue 1, was the first product released under my editorial-in-chief leadership, I took it upon myself to view the entire printing process firsthand and gain a thorough understanding of the process at every step along the route. I was the first person to pick up the first issue printed, still slightly warm from the machine. That paper was perfect. Some might say magnificent.
Then, I supervised the bundling and truck loading, and I can assure you that each and every printed newspaper version of the Orange Forest Orator Quarterly, Volume 6, Issue 1, that I saw — hundreds of them, if not thousands — was pristine.
As of yet, we do not know the cause of this egregious breach, but I promise we will uncover the felonious culprits posthaste.
The Orange Forest Law Enforcement Corps (OFLEC) has already opened a case and will have unlimited funding. Additionally, Privocular, a premiere Private Investigation Firm, has already been contracted by an unnamed benefactor to conduct a second investigation in parallel with OFLEC.
As a public service announcement to provide you with the proper awareness of what you must, by all means, avoid, below we have included a digital image depicting the defaced printed newspaper version of the Orange Forest Oratory Quarterly, Volume 6, Issue 1. This is not for general consumption and only serves as a reference point to inform the public what NOT TO READ.
Be aware that the defaced printed newspaper version of the Orange Forest Oratory Quarterly, Volume 6, Issue 1, contains nothing but fraudulent and sensationalized trash. By all means, do not trust a single word written in the printed newspaper version of the “Orange Forest Orator Editorial Forehead” column. That is clearly NOT a picture of the famed “Swillstained Napkin” and one of only two known legitimate copies of the original “The Barabaratatu Treasure Map” depicted in the column. DO NOT try to decode, decipher, or discover the map's secrets from that picture. It is CLEARLY A FAKE MAP and a WASTE OF TIME.
On a personal note, I can withstand the printed newspaper version’s vile and crude attacks upon my character, but I will not stand for the despicable insult suggesting that I, Maximilien Subabillian, engage in any such “buttchugging” [sic] nonsense. I have never “chugged” anything with my “butt,” and that’s a fact. That might be the single most libelous statement in the printed newspaper version.
Instead, we here at the Orange Forest Orator Quarterly encourage you to spend your valuable time reading the actual, original, correct, factual, and truthful versions of Volume 6, Issue 1, here on the Orange Forest Online website.
