May 4, 2025 — Igor and I had been microdosing industrial-grade psilocybin, chomping generic amphetamine and salt compounds, chugging homemade absinthe-and-taurine cocktails… chasing the spectral ghosts of physics that shouldn’t exist… when the city went dark.

Naturally, TeVud and KramBin, my two super-suped back-up generators, kicked in, pumping out 25KW without a voltage drop… unlike those hosejob Orfordork gensets crapping out all over the city. T&K kept the electrons flowing, but they couldn’t squeeze out the juice my Backyard Micro Particle Accelerator (BYMPA) needed. Thanks a gazillion to the short-sighted reptilian wingnuts running this quasistatic regime who derailed my goddamn hemorrhaging-edge science and nearly short-circuited all my sweat-drenched work. And Igor’s sweat-drenched work. (Though, credit to where it’s due: the lizards’ check for my expenses finally cleared… so we are royally flush with gear and equipment and technology!)

With all the bars and basement gambling dens shuttered during the Long Outage, I found myself consumed by this powerless sinkhole city’s absurdity, growing numb with boredom at this Fock state of mind’s impedance of free space. Even a highly prolific doctor of important scientific journalism needs an escape! A recharging outlet. A third fucking unimpeded free space faraway from formulae and figures and Igor. So it was either gouge out my eyes for fun or catch up with this Orator bullshit. Well, shiver me timbers, spank my booty, and call me momma Ishmael… to my ungrounded shock, Zweibel’s article about tetraboroxol’s origin sparked a mofo locofoco match of cerebro curioso in my otherwise rapidly bedolting brain.

I had to get my hands on the pure stuff and the bioglass variety… without, y’know, actually getting my ass glassified. I just missed the May 1st bioglass recycling event at Logistics Complex Hub Phase III. Word around town is that glassfolks are joining Subwokos in NoZa… but shattering… sure, it’s an option, but I wasn’t at the point of trying to Solid Snake my way into that labor bootcamp yet. When in doubt, loiter it out. I posted up next to a public bioglass collection box and eventually convinced an old man to give me the shards of his left-hand ring and pinkie fingers. Had to pay a steep price for them, though: listening to him cry about how he can’t wear his wedding ring anymore. Fucking science, amirite, folks? Managed to tear away from his heartwrenching wailing and bolted home to play with my shiny new toys.

My specialty is cool-as-shit physics, like getting high AF and fucking around with high-energy subatomic collisions, high-mass gravitational astronomy, and high-dimensional string magicry. But chemistry? Not my cup of whiskey… so grizzly bear with me here as I suffer through Agravado’s aggravations.

No idea how much the Orfordork engineers and biomaterials scientists understand about this molecule and its interaction with the human body, but HO. LEE. SHIT. Baseline tetraboroxol is nothing to dismiss… but also well within scientific expectations. But fuse it with human tissue in the so-called glassification phenomenon… it emerges as this bio-tetraboroxol molecule with mesophase properties similar to self-assembling colloidal crystalline… yet it don’t look like any structures I can find. Almost like a plastic crystal, but not quite. Almost like a liquid crystal, but not quite. Just some magnificent blasphemy against every known law of condensed matter physics. 

I’m whipping out and flopping down a big ol’ ansatz here:

This biomorphic metamaterial has practical applications as layered as a Mandelbrot set… superlenses, superprisms, superconductors, and superbeamsplitters capable of turning previously invisible spectrums visible and divisible, fracturing light beams into a rainbow of forbidden frequencies… UV to terahertz twinkling decoded secrets about bandgaps that swallow polarization whole… enough use cases to leave a scientist mad with potential power. Or, as our favorite fictional spacefascist says, “Unlimited power.”

Dope some bio-tetraboroxol glass in neodymium and, baby, you got a multiple-beam system going for a solid-state laser to initiate inertial confinement nuclear fusion reactions.

Cobble together tetraboroxol-infused bioglass beam splitters, phase shifters, photodetectors, and a single photon source, and BAM! A universal quantum computer that can create entanglement between Fock states.

But its most mindmelting property appears to eliminate the need for high-energy particle beams traveling at nearly the speed of light to produce these results because — I shit you not — the math shows that zapping low-energy particle beams through the bioglass accelerates the particles to almost the speed of light.

tl;dr Undocumented lightbeam dispersions. Unquantified quantum computing. Unmeasurable high-energy irradiance. Unimaginable particle acceleration.

Okay, yeah, screw what I said about Orfordork engineers and scientists not knowing what this does. You think they don’t know?

Time to grate you with bragging since I managed to construct a woodpile structure with a three-dimensional bandgap for all polarizations using photonic crystals composed of bio-tetraboroxil and a heady nug of herbertsmithite... okay, well, the Waldo that Igor and I constructed constructed the woodpile structure. Along with a nantenna, a metamaterial absorber for photovoltaic, thermophotovoltaic, photodetectors, and a heat source that fuels TPV cells placed between a tungsten emitter coincidentally shaped like a wolfram horn, along with a passive radiator to cool the system, the contraption *should* deliver — again, I shit you not — around 65% energy conversion efficiency rate.

But with the BOObers or the Gooberleeists or the Dumbjokos or whatever clown is on the throne this week still throttling energy loads, it means Igor and I still lack the juice to jumpstart the initial low-energy state. So, thanks to the constant power vacuum fluctuations causing nonstop power-source disruptions, we’ll have to delay the timeline on urgently needed scientific progress while we reassess the contraption’s safety factors.

Here I thought my waylay in this backwater hellswamp was gonna be a boring ride on a slow, low-torque, whoop-dee-doo Ferris wheel… turns out it’s a Tilt-a-Whirl built with scifi tech operated by a no-armed, no-eyed, chain-smoking, whiskey-chugging, bug-ridden, bedolted rubblebunker. Here I thought Igor and I were doing goddamn cool-as-shit hemorrhaging-edge science refining our Casimir effect device in the hunt for zero-point energy to allocate locally and constructing the BYMPA for all you HEP hepcats… turns out this podunk dump has tech that makes the BYMPA look like a boring-ass betatron. It all makes me buckle over in cackling laughter at these goddamn rabid weasel timeline shenanigans…  it all also makes me kick my obtuse butt and buckle over in an ubershook stupor, daunted by these goddamn rabid weasel timeline shenanigans.

No one at the Orator comprehends what’s happening with this trash-bin publication… chucklefucks can’t even agree on a course of action. And while we’re all getting mindfucked harder than a cultmember, pretty sure I’m getting skullfucked the hardest. I’ve devoured every 2025 Orator newspaper and website article, and mine are the only ones unaltered. Naturally, I’ll chalk this up to my superior writing being the only worthwhile writing in this rag… but I can also feel something deeper, larger, uglier at play. I’m no detective… hell, judging from the state of its investigation, neither are those Privocular bozogoons either… but I am a goddamn doctor of scientific journalism. And that means I understand and I unfuckingequivocally trust empirical, fact-based evidence.

Two peculiar empirical facts stand out to me, which, in hindsight, shine like the Bat Signal’s floodlight. First, Betsy just so happened to know where I could easily acquire a MEMS device. Second, she just so happened to have a copy of Postulations, one of the rarest and most esoteric books in the world… and she just so happened to lend it to one of the dippiest unfun-dipped dipshits in the goddamn multiverse. And the cherrybomb plopped on top of this shit sundae is her also giving Dweebel an uber-rare copy of J&J C&I J&I Issue 1 with tetraboroxol’s origin story. This Zweibel is a most irregular mind.

It’s said that Ava Lovelace, the mother of the algorithm, was an avid reader of de Zoit and that, in formulating her earth-shattering logic scheme, she channeled mental energy from the “bromulates” postulated by de Zoit. One can also make a solid argument that the Mayan astronomical computer, Tzolk’in (no relation to JRR), was the first algorithm… but theirs was a nature-based one. A simulation of actual events. Lovelace created a synthetic algorithm… a human-made simulacrum.

The still-burning mofo locofoco match of cerebro curioso leaves me with these parting thoughts: Since modern science is based on a natural foundation… a simulation of actual events… Can bio-tetraboroxol create a synthetic science… a human-made simulacrum?

Tune in next quarter, same Fock state, same Fock space.

Fac cum zelo - Doc Fonzo