June 18, 2025 — In the current sports era defined by troubling displays of athletic entitlement and fan aggression, the events at Atellan’s Saucer Field on June 14th revealed the stark contrast between those who serve others and those who only serve themselves. 

This “server error” was on full display as professional athletes engaged in reckless behavior, which spectators ultimately emulated in the stands. Thankfully, the Orange Forest Law Enforcement Corps (OFLEC) demonstrated what true role models look like, embodying the ideals of heroism, professionalism, and selfless dedication to something larger than themselves, which our community deserves.

Nearly 7,000 fans gathered under what began as beautiful blue skies to witness what should have been a celebration of athletic competition. Instead, they would witness something far more valuable: the extraordinary courage and competence of Orange Forest's first responders as they transformed a dangerous situation into a testament to public service excellence.

As tensions escalated between pampered athletes more concerned with personal grievances than sportsmanship, it was the boys in black who stepped forward to protect the community. These dedicated professionals demonstrated the level of preparation, coordination, and sacrifice that defines true heroism.

Unlike the athletes who allowed petty rivalries and ego-driven conflicts to spiral out of control, OFLEC enforcers maintained their composure, followed established protocols, and prioritized public safety above all else. Their response showcased months of planning, rigorous training, and the kind of professional excellence that saves lives and protects communities.

The events at Atellan's Saucer Field highlighted the profound difference between those who dedicate their lives to serving others and those who exploit public attention for personal gain. While professional athletes earn millions of dollars for playing games, often while engaging in behavior that would result in criminal charges for ordinary citizens, our boys in black risk their lives daily for modest salaries and little recognition.

OFLEC enforcers undergo rigorous training, maintain professional standards, and submit to accountability measures that professional athletes routinely avoid. They work in life-or-death situations where their decisions directly impact public safety, unlike the manufactured drama of sporting competitions, where the primary stakes involve entertainment value and commercial revenue.

Mo’ Money, Mow Problems

After watching countless how-to videos and receiving neighborly advice, I still cannot get that cross-stitch pattern like they have on the Saucer Field while mowing my lawn. Dan Farthington down the street has the best-looking front yard by far on the block, and I can’t stand it! How does his grass look like the outfield at Yankee Stadium?

Every row is perfectly straight. There’s not a single patch of crabgrass. No weeds or random mushrooms. I think you could eat off of it. It’s so neat and tidy and disgustingly perfect.

I have been spending a lot of time at home lately. Don’t ask. But it has given me the chance to stake out Dan’s yard and see exactly what he’s doing. Thing is, I have yet to see him actually cut his lawn. It’s so weird. No service coming by, no local kid making some cash, nothing.

So naturally, I thought maybe it’s turf! Lousy cheater. So, I walked my dog down the street one night late to check it out up close. Nope! It’s real alright and soft as my dog’s furry butt. I did, however, convince my pup to do his business on Dan’s lawn, and I didn’t bother to pick it up.

Next morning, poop with cleaned up and everything. So, I made it a nightly routine. I picked up after my dog just in case Dan started to wise up and put a camera out or something. But I did convince my pup to pee in the exact same place consistently. Let’s at least create a yellow patch blemish!

Well, it’s been well over three weeks of nightly urinations, and the lawn still looks incredible! It might even look better than ever before.

I changed my focus to my front yard, trying to see if I could duplicate Good Ol’ Dan’s canvas. I used chalk on the curb to mark equal distant rows to help me aim my mower. I lowered my blade slightly on the cross columns and alternated row for column as I made my way across the lawn.

What am I doing wrong!? It looks like a drawing my kindergartener brings home from school. Apparently, I can’t draw a straight line if my life depended on it. And despite meticulously measuring three and a half feet per row and column, the width varies constantly!